I'd Rather Feel Rain Than Nothing At All
by Gnoff
Summary: AU set in San Francisco. Arthur Kirkland is a clinicly depressed youth on the brink of suicide. He is hopelessly in love with his best friend: Francis Bonnefoy. He can't work up the nerve to tell him, so he decides to do something rash. Pairing: FrUK. Warnings: Yaoi/slash, mild language, feels. Oneshot. Human names used.


I based this is of the song Pain by Three Days Grace. Mostly just the first four lines. This was originally intended to be a video, but I'm useless with film technology, so if you want to, you can make this into a video and send me the link. It can be any medium you like: MMD, cosplay video, animation... I know that so many of you are far more talented than I when it comes to these things.

Mind you I wrote this when I was 12. Written for the It Gets Better Project

Disclaimer: No. Disclaimers are bullshit and you know it. If I did own Hetalia, I wouldn't be writing fanfiction, now would I?

xXx (soundtrack: Last Night On Earth by Green Day)

'How did it turn out like this?' I wonder as I drive down the road. The rain pelts my window, making a noise that sounds like if all the ruckus in the train station was brought down to a whisper. The only other sounds in the car were that of my breathing and my heartbeat. 'I've never wanted to do it this badly before. He's so obviously straight, why do I even bother? I mean, if he knew I was gay, what would he do? He'd probably be disgusted. Who wouldn't? What would you do if you found out your best friend was THAT WAY. You'd probably be worried they'd be checking you out, and just end up ditching them.' I just texted him before I left, one little word: Goodbye. Did he get it already?

He's had so many girlfriends it's not even funny. Actually, they're more like his fuck-buddies. I always catch him making out with them, I'm pretty sure he just does it to piss me off. But there have been only a few that really stung. Maybe it was the music, or the one too many shots of beer, but it stung.

xXx

I distinctly remember the first time I felt it. It was the Winter Dance, a kind of peace offering to the freshman who didn't get to go to prom. The air was crisp and cold, and if you could get past the stench of alcohol and weed eminating from some of the students, you could smell the pine, still heavy in the damp air. Inside, the kids were grinding to some incoherent pop song. Someone had spiked the punch. I was alone, and had nothing better to do, so I tried some. It tasted slightly metallic, and burned going down my throat. I looked around the room, and my eyes finally rested on Him. He had come with a well endowed young woman with grey-blonde hair. She was wearing a one size to small tube-top as a dress. He, of course, was dressed in a tuxedo, and looked smashing. His hand had snaked it's way down to her ass. That was the first time he made out in front of me. It was also the first time I got wasted. The song that was playing was Someone Like You by Adele.

xXx

Senior Prom. Spiked punch. New Girlfriend has it's legs around him. First time I got my stomach pumped. The song that was playing: Teardrops On My Guitar by Taylor Swift.

xXx

The most recent happening was yesterday at my 21st birthday 'party'. Alfred and Matthew(openly a couple) , Ludwig and Feli(engaged), Lovino and Antonio(officially announced couple-ness a week ago), Gilbert and Roderick(engaged, finally. Roddy denied it for the first few weeks of going out, but they've been going steady for years now.) were all there. In fact, the only straight couple there was Him and His new girlfriend, some stupid Hungarian whore. I just drowned myself with beer. Gilbert, for the millionth time, told us the story of how he got Roderick to say yes. (He learned to play Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata on piano, and after playing it, proposed). Then Roddy started gushing about how romantic it was, and 'Oh, Gil's so talented', and aren't you a happy fucking couple. I passed out after the twelfth round. The song that was playing: Pain by Three Days Grace.

xXx (Make Me Wanna Die by The Pretty Reckless as background music)

I park the car and walk along the bridge. A few cars go by, and then they stop coming. The air smells musty, the rain feels good against my skin. I reach the middle of the bridge, and climb up onto the railing. The rain, still coming down in thick sheets so I can't see more than a few feet in front of me, has made the railing slippery, but I managed to stay standing. Suddenly, I hear a shout.

"Artie, what the fuck?!"

I turn around and see Him running towards me. Why is he here?

"What are you doing here, Francis?"

"Stopping you from doing something stupid. Why would you jump?!"

"Because...", I say as tears roll down my cheeks,"...Goddamnit, I love you! Are you really that thick?!"

Both of my hands shoot up to my mouth when I see his shocked expression. I lose my balance and slip. I start falling. 'Please just let me die' I think as I brace for impact.

xXx (It Is You by Dana Glover as background music)

I feel him wrap his arm around MY waist. He pulls me back onto the bridge, into his arms. My heart beats at a million miles a minute. Isn't he disgusted just to touch me? I rest my head against his heart. It's beating fast as well.

"How long?"

"What?"

"How long have you loved me?"

"Can't remember."

"...me neither."

"What do you..!"

Before I can finish, he has his lips on mine in a heated kiss. My heart threatens to beat out of my chest, and my face is burning.

"All those girls were just to make you jealous, Arthur. I've loved you for longer than I can remember."

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"Why didn't you?"

"..."

"Artie, it's taken me this long to catch you, and I don't ever plan on letting go."

"Me neither."

Before he can react, I kiss him back.

In this moment, I've never been so happy to be alive.


End file.
